I became aware of a rather large woman with a bizarre hairdo hovering around our area of the table, staring at us. It was a large and strange hairdo and I imagined Medusa-like snakes hissing and flicking their sandpaper tongues at us. She was followed by some type of gang, but the ominous group disappeared into the crowd. In short order the harried waitress was at the table, looking like she had just gone a round with Ali. “Where are the cards,” she cried. “There were cards! Did you move the cards!” She looked frightened. I felt sorry for her in that instant, but...”What cards? I didn't see any cards, did you see any cards,” we all said over the top of each other. “Nope. No cards here. Definitely no cards.” As the waitress stormed off I saw a tear in her eye. She was gonna get it.
In a flash the gang was back and this time they meant business. Their leader was the large woman with the giant weird hair with the snakes in it. Oh my God, the snakes.
“You in our seats,” the thing said to all of us.
“No were not,” I replied.
“Those our seats,” the thing said a little louder.
“No. These our seats,” I said, mocking her and matching her tone. Her eyes grew a little wider.
“I'm Patty LaBelle!”
“I don't know Patty LaBelle,” I shrugged. And it was true. I didn't. Never heard of her.
It's eyes grew even larger, bugging out from her chubby face. “I tole you I'm Patty LaBelle!” Now she was beginning to draw attention to us.
“How do I know you're Patty LaBelle? Lemme see your driver's license.”
Apparently, that was enough to send Ms. Thing over the edge. Her eyeballs popped from their fleshy sockets, shooting rays of hate and bile. She spit venom from her puffy mouth, venom probably from the Medusa-like snakes living in her hair. I'm pretty sure her brain actually caught fire because you could see the smoke coming from her hairy ears.
“I...I...I,” she stammered. She was vibrating with pent up hate and arrogance. And then with a voice bigger than the building, she boomed, “I get on that stage and start singin' and you know I'm Patty LaBelle!”
In a flash the gang was back and this time they meant business. Their leader was the large woman with the giant weird hair with the snakes in it. Oh my God, the snakes.
“You in our seats,” the thing said to all of us.
“No were not,” I replied.
“Those our seats,” the thing said a little louder.
“No. These our seats,” I said, mocking her and matching her tone. Her eyes grew a little wider.
“I'm Patty LaBelle!”
“I don't know Patty LaBelle,” I shrugged. And it was true. I didn't. Never heard of her.
It's eyes grew even larger, bugging out from her chubby face. “I tole you I'm Patty LaBelle!” Now she was beginning to draw attention to us.
“How do I know you're Patty LaBelle? Lemme see your driver's license.”
Apparently, that was enough to send Ms. Thing over the edge. Her eyeballs popped from their fleshy sockets, shooting rays of hate and bile. She spit venom from her puffy mouth, venom probably from the Medusa-like snakes living in her hair. I'm pretty sure her brain actually caught fire because you could see the smoke coming from her hairy ears.
“I...I...I,” she stammered. She was vibrating with pent up hate and arrogance. And then with a voice bigger than the building, she boomed, “I get on that stage and start singin' and you know I'm Patty LaBelle!”
