Reasons to be cheerful

Britons should have plenty to smile about on Friday, 19 June - as it's officially the happiest day of 2009.
Our spirits have apparenty been boosted by the sunny start to summer, the longest days of the year, the nearing of payday - and optimism that Andy Murray could win Wimbledon.
Psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall devised a formula to pinpoint the day we are all most likely to feel the happiest.
And the Cardiff University lecturer said people should forget credit crunch worries because the secret of happiness lies with things which are free.
Dr Arnall, 44, said feel-good sensations are enjoying time with friends and loves ones, appreciating nature in the sunshine and looking forward to the weekend and a holiday.
His complicated mathematic formula is: O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He.
O = being outdoors and outdoor activity, N = nature, S = social interaction, Cpm = memories of childhood summers and other positive thoughts, T = temperature, and He = excitement about holidays.
Dr Arnall, from Brecon in Powys, said: "The most important things you can do to be happy are free. People may be less able to afford other leisure activities but it's free to walk in the park or paddle in a stream.
"It refreshes you and you forget your other worries. And the most important thing in our lives are our relationships - and no amount of money can buy that.
"I've spoken to miserable multi-millionaires and people who have no money but are very happy because they have amazing friends."

Britney makes another geographical gaffe

Star confuses Manchester for London
Britney has made yet another blunder during her world tour - this time mistaking her Manchester audience for London.
The US pop starlet is currently unveiling her lavish new stage show throughout the UK; she completed eight dates at London's O2 Arena earlier this month before stopping in Manchester this week (17 June).
Unfortunately, the Louisiana songstress seemed a little confused about her location as she yelled, "What's up London?" to the Manchester Evening News Arena audience.
It's the latest in a series of slip-ups for the 27-year-old star; she addressed her fans in San Jose, California with the words, "What's up Sacramento?" and shouted, "Merry Christmas," at a Washington performance in March.
She also caused a stir at her Florida show (8 March) when she left the stage without realising her mic was on, allowing the arena to hear her say, "My p***y was hanging out".
The Circus tour continues tonight (19 June) and tomorrow (20 June) in Dublin before heading to Paris next week.

Coastal castles 'to be moved inland'

Castles on the coast could be moved inland, brick by brick, to save Britain's coastal heritage from climate change.
The government is considering ways to protect a number of historic properties threatened by rising sea levels, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Historic monuments could be moved in exceptional circumstances to a "more sustainable location", according to a consultation paper released by the Department for the Environment.
Coastal defences should be improved in less severe cases and valuable assets recorded in case they are lost forever, it says.
Hundreds of monuments around the British coast are at risk of sea level rises and erosion and could be candidates for relocation.
St Michael's Mount in Cornwall, currently reached by a causeway, could become an island; Westbury Court Garden in Gloucestershire could be flooded by the River Severn; and Dunstanburgh Castle in Northumbria is under threat from erosion.
An English Heritage spokesman said: "Future sea-level rise as a result of climate change and associated coastal erosion and flooding will threaten many historic buildings, sites and landscapes.
"While it may be possible to protect some of these, others will need to be adapted to withstand changing conditions and, over time, others will be lost."
This week the Met Office will warn of the threat of rising sea levels to Britain over the next 80 years.
It is expected to warn that sea levels could rise by as much as 80cm (31 inches) around the British coast by 2100, causing the flooding of low lying areas such as Norfolk.

Frankmusik talks Cheryl Cole solo album

Producer says 'personality is crucial'
Pop star and sometime producer Frankmusik has spoken out about Cheryl Cole's hotly-anticipated solo album.
The Girls Aloud songstress is known to be working on her debut effort at present, and Frank, who's set to take knob-twiddling duties on some of the tracks, says the project could go either way.
He told DigitalSpy.co.uk: "You very rarely hear any of them sing in isolation.
"As long as they don't do the obvious thing and basically make a solo Girls Aloud album for her, then it should be quite good."
He added: "Hopefully they can get across whatever personality she may, or may not, have on the record. I think that's crucial in any solo project - you've got to be something so strong without the help of the group you once had.
"You see the errors of people like Robbie Williams in the past. There's certain ways of doing it right and a lot more ways of doing it wrong."
A release date for the collection has yet to be announced.

Village cricketer hits 39 off one over

A village cricketer hit 39 runs - including six sixes in a row - off one over in Kent.
Abhijit Kale's achievement was helped by the fact there were nine deliveries - as there were three no balls, reports the Daily Mirror.
Abhijit scored a single off bowler Damion Grosscel's first ball, which was then matched by batting partner Michael Brown.
Then came a two by Abhijit - followed by a Garry Sobers style six consecutive sixes.
He said: "I'd be amazed if I ever did it again."
Abhijit, 34, from Mumbai, was playing for Kent League Division 3 team Linden Park against Catford Wanderers. The Tunbridge Wells-based side made 247, with Abhijit 152 not out, then they bowled out Catford for 134.
Skipper Stuart Clarke said: "We asked the bowler to pose for a photo after but he wasn't having it."
World record scorer off one over is Jonathan Hughes who whacked 42 for North Leeds in 2005.
The first man to hit six sixes off an over in first-class cricket was West Indies legend Sir Garfield Sobers for Notts in 1968.

Winehouse's mum: Amy needs rescuing

Amy Winehouse's mother says the singer is constantly in denial and needs to be rescued.
Janis Winehouse said she just wants her daughter to be okay and "would do whatever it took to make that right".
Her comments come as ITV News will show footage later of the troubled singer trying to play the drums while appearing to be under the influence of alcohol as she battled her addiction in her private villa in St Lucia earlier this year.
"The need to rescue her is enormous," Mrs Winehouse said.
"Amy is in denial all the time. She probably feels trapped, her body is trapping her. But I know with addiction you do not have the choice because the substance itself directs you."
She added: "I want to say to her - 'Amy, what are you doing? Don't you know what you're doing?'"
The 25-year-old Back to Black singer's father Mitch added: "I need my daughter to be a whole person again.
"I tried it all - I said, 'Amy you've got to do this, you've got to go to this doctor, you've got to do this, you've got to do that, you're killing me, you're killing your mum'. None of it worked."
He said his daughter was on a drug replacement programme but drinking heavily.
"For the last six months there's been a remarkable recovery," he said.
"A gradual recovery, which is good. With slight backward steps - not drug backward steps, more drink backward steps if you follow my drift. I think that will be the pattern of recovery."
Mr Winehouse also blamed his daughter's estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil for fuelling her drug habit.
He said: "The option of them being together is too horrible to contemplate. They are going to get divorced and who knows what's going to happen down the line.
"Amy and Blake have decided that they want to get on with their lives separately, and if they get back together again in the future and they're both clean and they still love each other, that's up to them."

Amy Winehouse is 'in denial'

Singer's mum says she needs to be rescued
Amy Winehouse's mother has once again aired her fears for the troubled 'Back To Black' singer.
Amy has reportedly conquered her drug demons, but now seems to be dependent on alcohol - as many observers suggested in light of her shambolic appearance at the St Lucia Jazz Festival last month.
Speaking as part of a forthcoming documentary on Amy, her mother Janis said: "The need to rescue her is enormous.
"I just want her to be OK and I would do whatever it took to make that right."
But, she explained, the 25-year-old star must make the decision to seek help on her own.
Janis continued: "Amy is in denial all the time. She probably feels trapped. Her body is trapping her. But I know with addiction you do not have the choice because the substance itself directs you."
"I want to say to her, 'Amy, what are you doing? Don't you know what you're doing?' But she by then has got herself on to it to help her get through, and I understand that."

VV Brown designs Orange rain poncho!

Grab yours at the Glastonbury Chill 'n' Charge tent
Orange have teamed up with retro popstress VV Brown to unveil an exclusive rain poncho for this year's Glastonbury festival!
Designed by 25-year-old VV, the limited edition collaboration with the festival's official communications partner will only be available at the Orange Chill 'n' Charge tent at next week's festival.
Given a free reign to adorn the garment with a design of her choice, the cheeky Londoner opted to emblazon it with an image of her face! The impressive result can be seen in the image above.
One poncho will be available, for free, to the first 100 people who request one from the Orange Chill 'n' Charge tent on Saturday 27 June.
VV Brown said: "Customising and designing is a passion of mine, so naturally I jumped at the chance to design a limited edition poncho for Orange at Glastonbury.
"I'm really excited about the design and can't wait to see people wearing them."
People who have been to a washed-out Glastonbury before will appreciate how essential a decent waterproof can be. In fact, a survey published today shows that 28% of revellers reckon bad weather is the factor most likely to affect their enjoyment of the weekend.
So if you're heading down to Worthy Farm next week, claim yours at the Orange Chill 'n' Charge tent before they run out!
Open 10am-10pm from Friday 26 June until Sunday 28, the tent will also feature 600 mobile charging points and free internet access.
The Orange Chill 'n' Charge tent will also play host to an exciting line-up of live performances - including a set by VV Brown - throughout the weekend, so check back here for the latest line-up details as soon as they are announced.
Story filed: 12:57 Wednesday 17th June 2009 -->

Saffia and Kris get close

Romance has hit the Big Brother house - Saffia and Kris are getting closer.
The pair have struck up a firm friendship since they entered the house last week.
They've even shared a bed together, cuddling up before falling asleep. But the burgeoning romance is worrying Kris, who confided in Lisa he was worried about the tensions it could cause.
He said, "Just before I got into bed for spoons, the frustration was kicking in. I was just like, 'Awww'. I just don't wanna make things complicated."
Saffia's ears must have been burning because she walked into the bedroom mid-conversation and Kris was forced to stop talking. He headed to the kitchen - and the single mum also told Lisa about her and Kris. She told the lesbian, "He's, like, getting cuddly."
And Lisa's advice? "My suggestion is just have a laugh and if you wanna mess about and grab it." Saffia replied, "Nah, I wouldn't do that. If anything is meant to be, then whatever."
But Saffia faces competition from Sophie, who is also getting close to Kris. The pair spent Tuesday evening flirting and joking around.

Police 'tase' great-gran

A 72-year-old great-grandmother is threatening to sue police in Texas after an officer "tased" her with a stun gun.
Kathryn Winkfein was pulled over for speeding while doing her weekly shopping in Austin, Texas, reports the BBC.
Travis County sheriff's deputy Chris Bieze shocked her with the taser gun after she resisted arrest and became argumentative.
Mrs Winkfein was stopped by the police officer for driving at 60 mph in a 45-mph zone in her white pick-up truck.
Grainy police video footage shows the officer shove her and point the taser gun at her as she refuses to go quietly.
"If you don't step back, you're going to get Tased," Mr Bieze said.
"Go ahead, Tase me," she replied. "I dare you."
The video showed Mr Bieze using the Taser and Mrs Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain.

Foxy foot fetish

More than 120 shoes have gone missing from homes and gardens in Germany after a fox developed a bizarre fetish.
The mystery was only solved when a forestry worker found a stash of the missing footwear in the fox's lair near Fohren.
Tiny tooth marks on the leather show the vixen - dubbed Imelda Marcos after the shoe-mad president's wife - may have used them as toys for her cubs to play with.
Local landowner Count Rudolf Reichsgraf von Kesselstatt said: "She's clearly got a thing about shoes.
"We found 86 shoes in the den and a further 32 in a nearby quarry where they like to play. That includes 12 or 13 matching pairs of shoes."

Bar mitzvah behind bars

Five prison officials have been disciplined in New York after a wealthy inmate was allowed to throw a bar mitzvah for his son in jail.
Convicted fraudster Tuvia Stern brought in his own caterer, kosher food and 60 guests for the six-hour party in the gym of the Manhattan Detention Complex.
The caterer supplied diners with knives, and guests were allowed to keep their mobile phones, according to the New York Post.
Guests reportedly included several prominent rabbis, a famous Orthodox Jewish singer and a band. Stern was allowed to wear his own clothes at the event.
Overtime pay for staff overseeing the event was met by the prison, which is nicknamed The Tombs.
Four months after the party, last December, Stern was allowed to host an engagement party for 10 family members in the same venue.
Rabbi Leib Glanz, the prison chaplain who arranged the bar mitzvah, was suspended for two weeks.
Four others, including the prison's warden and a Muslim imam who is assistant commissioner for ministerial services, had their holiday docked by two weeks.
Stern was accused in 1989 of swindling $1.7m. He jumped bail and fled to Brazil with his wife and five children. He was caught in 2006 while trying to enter Britain and was jailed in the US last year.

Robot snake is new spy

Israeli military scientists have reportedly designed a robotic snake which can spy on enemies and plant bombs.
The robotic snake can even stand up vertically to peer over obstacles, reports Sky News.
The remote-controlled reptile is able to sneak through cracks in buildings to gather information on enemy combatants, according to Israel's Channel 2 TV.
Researchers studied the movements of snakes to ensure that the robotic equivalent mimics them correctly.
A soldier controls the snake from a remote laptop and can follow what it sees via video cameras.
Footage posted online shows the six-foot long snake in camouflage gear, winding its way through rocks and tree stumps.
The video is getting thousands of hits on YouTube after a user called 'Korozzz' posted it.
The Israel Defence Forces plan to equip combat units with the models, which could also be used to find survivors trapped in collapsed buildings.
A TV report said the snake is in the experimental stage and the cost of producing multiple versions is as yet unknown.
Researchers at Israel's Ben-Gurion University inspired the design after undertaking a robotic animals project.

Catawbarawbah County

Catawbarawabah County (cat.AW.ba.RAW.bah, for all you foreigners) was located in the South end of the edge of the earth, sort of to the north of Florida and east of Georgia, on a coastline interrupted by an intra-coastal waterway and many estuarine environments. Used to be rice, in the heyday of the big plantations. Now it's marshland again.
It is beautiful. Herons. Egrets. Ospreys -- all add majesty to the scene, serene in flight and delicate upon landing. Shrimp boats, not as many now, can be seen threading their way through the channels to the dock, surrounded by marsh grasses and wet mud-shore littered with tiny crittering crabs. It can't half smell bad at low tide, though, sometimes.

Boswell Johnson Jefferson was seventeen that summer, and it was a great summer to be a teenager. Boz, however, had the mind and personality of a five-year-old boy, and so it was an even greater adventure of a summer than most teenage boys could dream. Boz had the free and open canvas of a child's imagination to work with, and I often saw him and his dog, Hugger, wandering down by the lagoon or along the edge of the marsh, rapt in the intensity of play. I used to wonder what went through my younger brother's mind; was he a pirate today? Or an explorer?
One day I noticed that Boz was carrying an old Danish Cookies box -- you know, those round cans you get cookies in at Christmas. We stored old photos in one -- the Johnsons and the Jeffersons had little to record, but there were some formal portraits of unhappy-looking people. Boz was out the door and away before Mom could suggest he leave it behind.

Summer Song

Just because we cannot perceive other dimensions, doesn't mean they aren't there. Ask Brian Green what he thinks is elegant about that. I'm glad they let me roam the countryside like this: it would be too cruel to be cooped up with the others, and those SAT's don't sound like much fun. I explore this dimension without hindrance: it is folded to the edge of what you are aware of, and thus I appear: lo! as a player on the apron at The Globe; thus do I mouth my madness to the swell of applause befitting my sudden existence beyond the realm of everyday lore. Belike I falter in my steps; yet as I think on't, I do perceive I wallow in the sunshine of my youth.
I am no Vardamon.
I may not answer when you speak; that does not mean I have not heard the words nor that I cannot form coherent patterns of thought. There is something amiss, however, in the synapse that should link my actions to my ideas; lest I be considered an idiot (and many think so, I am well aware), I deem it meet to advertise my store of wisdom in another means than words. Or actions.
I move my lyric pose accompanied by a dog. This also is appropriate; I can not think so clearly otherwise than when I'm with this hound of mixed denomination and origin as bastard as my own. Not that my mother played false -- no; she clasped about my father's neck like the player queen protesting too much before the court at Elsinore. No: I refer to the illegitimacy of thought that counters meditation with the lop-sided grin of an imbecile.
I am no Hamlet, either, although I could be bounded in a nutshell, bad dreams and all, the opening riff of the Stones' "Brown Sugar" playing for me, in stereo. I am only what I am, and this derives from pictures: my antecedents range in ragged sequence before me on this river bank. As I observe them, they tell me all their secrets.
This one I know: he didn't start as a Johnson; Ruaíri Macshane metamorphosed when transliterated across the Irish Sea to a bigger island. They called him Dirty Mick. A "Johnson" is a euphemism for penis; Macshane isn't -- so where did that leave the folks back home? I smirk at the implication. Dirty Mick Johnson carried hod and balanced more than his body weight on bruised shoulder. It wasn't enough, though. The boat that brought him to this side of the world smelled worse than a building site.